“She Saw the Person I was Under the Pain” — A Powerful Story of Addiction Recovery
The Marion County Board of Commissioners Proclaimed September 2024 as Recovery Month in Marion County.
Salem, OR — On Wednesday, September 4, 2024, the Board of Commissioners proclaimed September 2024 as Recovery Month in Marion County, highlighting the important work happening in our community to help restore lives.
Janell, who has been in treatment through Marion County’s Addiction Treatment Services, was invited to share her own experience, both with addiction and recovery. This is her inspiring story:
My name is Janell, and I'm an addict. My clean date is 3/29/24. I want to start off with saying thank you for having me here and how honored I am to have been selected to share my experience, strength, and hope, and how my involvement in Marion County outpatient programs supported me in my journey of recovery.
I have been an alcoholic for 23 years. Alcohol was a very big part of my life, and I depended on it to feel normal and accepted. In 2016, I married my soulmate who introduced me to meth in 2017. Together we did everything and have used and drank throughout our whole marriage. I loved drugs and alcohol more than I loved myself.
I was what they called a functioning addict, or so I thought. I have had many jobs over the years and was fired from most of them, never thinking it had anything to do with my addiction. I tried to stop using several times. I was introduced to the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous and was in and out over the last 3 years, never taking it seriously. I got a sponsor who I used for what I thought was working the program. We have remained good friends over the past few years, but on and off I dropped her as my sponsor thinking I couldn't do this, nor did I want to quit using.
The drugs were changing me into someone I did not recognize or like anymore. My relationships with my children, husband, and family were beyond strained. I became an isolated, selfish, stubborn person who only cared about one thing. I thought I could quit on my own—no meetings, no rehab, no help from anyone—just pure willpower. I had several different times of abstinence for a few months at a time, but of course that never lasted. Watching my life and my relationships get worse with my loved ones was beyond depressing and painful. Enough was enough.
I wanted desperately to get clean. I knew I could not do it on my own, so I decided to make the call to voluntarily put myself into the Intensive Outpatient Program at the Marion County addictions program. My husband and I both entered the program on our own. Over the course of six months, I went to one-on-one meetings with my counselor, Melanie. In the beginning, I thought I was making progress, staying clean but still drinking, which led right back to using. My counselor never gave up on me and truly invested time into me. I looked so forward to our one-on-ones and took something from each session. However, I was still not getting it. I showed up to group while loaded and drunk. I was honest with my counselor, and she was graceful and still pushed me to keep going and become the person she saw I was under the pain.
Janell (right) with her counselor Melanie (left).
There was a point when I almost went to detox and highly considered inpatient but was resistant to both and still felt I could do this on my own. But I didn't give up, and neither did my counselor Melanie. I had two mentors throughout the program, who through no fault of theirs I just didn't match with. Melanie pushed to match me with a third mentor who to this day I am with in the Prime Plus program. My new mentor Halley and I clicked right away, and she pushed me to keep fighting just as my counselor did.
Throughout this time, enough was enough again, I thought. I felt, I have all this support—my outpatient program with my counselor, my mentor, my sponsor, and all people who never thought twice about giving up on me—so why would I give up on myself?
I dove in—go big or go home! I decided to commit to 90 meetings in 90 days, keep and show all of my one-on-ones with my counselor, all of my mentor meetings, and confide and share with my forever friend (and now again sponsor) how I felt this was it and was going to be my true recovery.
I found myself again. I found my worth. I started liking and even loving myself again. I started building back the relationships I thought were unrepairable. I opened up to my five kids and to my family about my recovery, which I had hid just the same as my using addiction. I was all in. I put recovery first over everything and everyone.
Fast forward five months and six days. Today, life is amazing, and I am beyond grateful for my life. Today, my relationships with my kids, my husband, and my family are better than ever. I got into the field of recovery and recently got a job at Bridgeway, and I will have a career and pursue my passion in life, which has always been helping and caring for others.
Now I can help and support others as I was truly cared for and supported in my outpatient program and live this life to the fullest and show others we do recover.
If you or someone you know is experiencing addiction and is in search of help, reach out to Marion County’s Addictions Treatment Services via phone at: 503-588-5358. Recovery is possible, and there is help.